Letting Vision be Vision

So things have been a little rough around here lately. I can't really explain it all, it's just been tough. Some things just aren't going according to plan. Other just aren't going at all.

One of the biggest things has been trying to figure out which direction is the right one for the worship at Sojourn. It's been a real struggle. I think the hardest thing for me is having a vision for the worship and trying to be patient with the vision. Here's what I mean...

I have the vision. I know God has given me the vision. I'm certainly not doubting the vision. The problem, for me, is realizing that it's just that... a vision. It's what I want to see happen. It's a vision of what I want it to be. It wouldn't be a vision if it were already that way. It would be the way things are. But things are the way that they are in my vision.

Basically, I'm having to learn to let the vision, be a vision. It's really hard. It's hard not to force the vision into realization, which is what I've been doing for the past 2 months. I've been trying to make things happen when, in reality, we don't have the people to make them happen right now. I've been trying to fit people into the right place. It's like I'm trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

Instead of using what God has given us, I've been trying to use whatever I can get. And honestly, I've been suffering because of it. Trying to fit people into the places I think they should fit into has been a huge area of stress for me. It's really caused me a lot of pain and heartache. It's been a constant worry. It's really what I spend literally half my day trying to do, and to no avail.

So instead of forcing people, I have to learn to let people. I have to stop forcing them into an area, and let them move themselves into an area. Now, I'm saying that I'm not going to recruit anyone or anything like that. Otherwise no one would ever get involved. Basically, I just want to give them a gentle nudge to see how they respond. Instead of pushing them, because I've seen what response that gets, and I don't like it. So I have to learn to give people that gentle nudge, and then let them decide for themselves. It's seriously going to be hard for me. The last time I worked in a church, part of my job was recruiting volunteers, and helping people get involved, specifically in the area that I was leading. So I have to unlearn that I guess.

So the past couple of months have been hard. And I know the next couple aren't going to be any easier. In fact, they might be harder. Harder because I have to learn to let go and unlearn some things, which is usually a very painful process. We'll just have to wait and see where God takes us.